Told ya so...

Post Grad MK

I told you I couldn't stay away...

;)

If you're interested in keeping up with my life post-graduation and post-magazine writing, do add that to your following list!

The last hurrah...

I think it's safe to assume this will be my last post in this blog.

I really liked this assignment. I've been a blogger since I was 12, and writing a blog with a theme and a purpose has really changed my thoughts about blogs on the web in general. So many people have so many things to say. To have the freedom of posting your own thoughts for the world to see...that isn't a newspaper or magazine, is kind of an astonishing thought. It always baffles me when I found out how many people actually read my blogs too. For example, I know that Hannah follows this blog, but I never thought she actually bothered to keep up with it. But at the Provoc dinner, she asked me a question about something I recently wrote on my blog and said with a smile, "Yeah, I always read your blog!"
You feel good when someone reads something you wrote--and enjoyed it.

Today is the last day of Magazine Writing. I think it's a relief to everyone in the class that it's over, but I wish people would honestly grow up. As I've said in the past, the workload was unevenly distributed among the group members. I know that I'm doing most of the writing for this assignment, and although another member of my group wrote a section of this article, I had to re-write it last night out of surprise...just because it was not up to par on what I had done in the previous sections. Things like that. I know that people work in groups all the time in the "real world." In fact, that's most of what everyone does--is work together. But there are always going to be the people who take on most of the work, and there will always people who will make excuses as to why they cannot do their share....or at the very least, do it, but do it poorly. Since the workload was uneven, we definitely don't deserve the same grade.
I'm not going to complain anymore about that. I'll have enough to say on the peer evaluations. I did it. I'm going to edit it one more time before class. I'm going to hand it in. And it's done. It's just done.

One thing I discovered while in this class is the importance of re-writing things, and I think my writing in general has improved. I look at articles that I wrote for the Provoc at the beginning of the year, and compare them to the one I just wrote last week, and they've improved so much. It's always so hard to believe how much you learn in one year.

I think most people signed up for this class thinking they were going to learn the art of the magazine. I did too. I thought we were going to write and pitch several different articles for several different types of publications. But at the same time, the course is called Magazine Writing, and I suppose, well, that's what we did. We wrote a feature article.

We're going to post our articles on a website that will link to the Telegram and Gazette website. If I find out what the link is, I'll post it here for those who are interested in reading what I've been so utterly frustrated about this entire semester.




In general, this week is very bittersweet. I hate all the work I have to get done. I'm so frustrated. I'm tired. I don't have enough time to do everything. But I'm enjoying it nonetheless. Next year, I may relocate to Boston, live at home, or something else...and my friends will all be scattered as well. We say we'll be in touch and hang out all the time, but I know that at least for the first few months, my job, whatever that may be, is going to engulf my life. My social contacts will be pushed to the back burner. My concentration will be devoted to doing a good job, and keeping my job. I'm sad. I dreamt about graduation last night, and I dreamt I was crying. I'm happy. I'm ready to get out of my dorm room. I hate living with five girls. And I'm reflective.

I learned so much since the beginning of this semester...but wow, remembering freshman year? That's a roller coaster ride.

I do have to get going. I have to edit and do a lot of other work. But thank you all for reading my blog. Professor Santos, I know you've been keeping up with this, and I hope you've enjoyed reading it. Hannah, I hope you had fun reading this too. And I always have to mention Katherine, my sister, who never fails to read any of my blog entires--no matter what site they're on. And to any other anonymous person who happened to stumble upon this blog, I hope my toils are moderatly interesting to read.

I'll most likely open another blog up on this account.

I'll keep you posted.

:)

This isn't getting easier

I have a lot of other work to do right now. A hell of a lot of work to do, but I'm drawn to writing in here right now.

I'm very frustrated with this assignment. I know I've been saying that all along, and that I really need to grow up and see the light--things don't always work out the way you want them to--people suck--it's the end of the year--it's warm--etc...

We deserved the grade we got for the first one. I would never argue for a higher grade on that piece of shit. I also don't like putting the blame on other people. I had an interview the day the paper was due, and I had my internship the night before. So although I met with my group several times to put this thing together, I wasn't there the night before...and I think I would've caught a lot of things if I were there.

So I volunteered to write the final draft. My group members were so frustrated, that when we sat in the computer lab to try and compile it all together, all we could do was stare at the screen. So once again, I decided to carry the bulk of the project on my shoulders.

I guess the reason why the project frustrates me is because I'm not an expert on certain sections. I'm given these articles that are mediocre about the subject, with people I've never seen or talked to. So how am I supposed to write those leads? How am I supposed to make you believe what I'm writing is true?

The work isn't even, no matter how it's split up.

Say Again?

Well.

*sobs*

It's over.

We essentially have to start from scratch. And my entire section got crossed out! Literally. The mark-up of our second draft had one entire page x-ed out, and it was part of the article that I wrote...

All of my group members are beyond frustrated, but, eh, I'm taking it with a grain of salt. Maybe it's because I'm a senior, with 2 and a half weeks left of classes. Maybe it's because we deserved that B, and also really need to re-write it. Maybe it's because the issue isn't the lack of information, it's the lack of enthusiasm we're gathering from this project. The longer it goes, and the more we go in circles, the more discouraged we get, and the lazier our writing gets.

The solution to our problem of laziness? Fear of getting a bad grade! We talked about that as one of our solutions to plagiarism, which, oddly, none of us ever thought about. A student in class brought up the fact that turnitin isn't just a detection software, it's a software full of fear that will prevent students from plagiarizing if they know they have to feed their paper in it for a class. That was interesting for me. I never thought about it that way.

Our final draft is due Monday. Then it's getting published and out into the public for the whole world to finally read....unless of course, you've been keeping up with my blog ;)

I think people need to make an effort in order to succeed in anything.

I'm going to contradict my last post and take away general laziness for the whole sum of plagiarism. Because, today I was overwhelmed. And judging from the state of mind I was in for the entire day, I can see why students would plagiarize something if they got back from a day like I had, and had a paper due the next day that they unexpectedly didn't have time to complete.

I don't have any big assignments due tomorrow, and it's a good thing too...

My boyfriend from Maine is on vacation from school this week, so he came down by bus to come see me. He had a big term paper due on Friday, but got an extension for it. So he emailed it by Sunday, but his school has a specific rule that their paper needs to be handed in both in a hard copy and electronically. His professor told him the email wasn't good enough, and that he needed to have the paper handed in by midnight in his mailbox...or some catastrophic thing would happen to his grade. So we drove up to Maine and back in about 7 hours...and it was exhausting. The whole way up, I was dwelling over how my job interview went last week, how the hell I'm going to write an essay for them, and if I'll even get called back for a second interview.

There's always this voice nagging at the back of my brain saying, "Hey Megan, you have to get a job.....youuu haaaaveee to get a joooooobbbbbb." It's a friggin' ghost. And I can't shake it.

I had one interview, and that took (and still is taking) so much time and energy out of me. I can only imagine I'll have to go through at least 10 more before I finally land one.

Anyway, my worries could have easily been, "Shit, I need to get back to my room and write this paper. Dammit, I'm not going to have the time or energy to even think about coherent things if I get back to the dorm at 11:30 p.m....gaahhh." Hence, therefore, plagiarism shows up on the radar and, bing, a felony has been committed.

I wish, I wish, I wish there were less to worry about.

Finally

We didn't have class today, but that doesn't mean I'm not thinking about it.

My group is putting our finishing touches on our big article. We changed the entire thing, so I hope it turns out for the better.

I won't be in class on Thursday either because my big ego helped me land my first official job interview. Remember how I was talking about being passionate about cover letters? Well, it finally worked. Once I got my head out of the bucket and stuck my chin up in the air despite the bad economy, I guess companies saw the optimism in my words and decided to act on it, and see if I really am a good fit in person. I had a phone interview this morning, which went well. But the real interview I'm concerned about is Thursday's. I'm traveling into Boston at 8:30 a.m....and probably won't get back until later in the day. Someone likes me, guys. Two people, actually, have liked me on paper.

Finally!

Now, they must like me in person.

This is kind of a far fetch...but what if you lied about everything you did? I wonder if people lie during their job interviews. That's certainly a form of cheating/plagiarism. Do people say they're more qualified than they really are? And then once their boss finds out, what happens to that person? Are they ruined for life...or do they just go from job to job, sneaking around and about...? It's an interesting thought.

But once again, the feeling you get from accomplishing everything you put down on a full-blown resume is nothing but pride. I look at my resume and think to myself, "Wow, and these are only the things that have significance for me and landing a job." I actually had to leave some summer jobs off of my resume just to fit it all on one page.

Life's exciting.

Why waste it on cheating?

A boost of self-esteem

I often have this looming and dooming sensation that I'm always doing the wrong thing.

I was taught how to write a cover letter, but they still feel wrong and impersonal.

My resume was revised at least 33 times, but I still feel like it's wrong.

No matter how many times I look over the pages for the Provoc, I know that I'll pick up the paper on Wednesday and find at least three mistakes in the first two pages.

My future seems wrong. My internship seems like it's leading me into a cloud of dust. I'll finish it and step out of the door and be bombarded with nothing but confusion and rejection. Something's wrong there....

My article for the class seems boring. It seems monotonous and repetitive. It doesn't have that edge I want. It doesn't have the spiked pages, or tingling sensations that shoot up and down your spine.

I doubt I'm the only one that feels this helplessness in my work. I think students are not confident in what they do. If they get knocked down on their first try, they'll get discouraged. Instead of trying to fix their mistakes, they're just going to take someone else's work that they know is right...because they purchased it off the internet.

I met with my group to go over our article, and instead of sitting down and writing it out, we ended up talking about the future. We talked about how hopeless everything seemed. Most of my group members are only sophomores, but this sense of economic doom is very prevalent for them as well. Because of the intense competition out there for jobs, they feel like they must start their portfolio now. They have to build up perhaps twice the amount of stuff that I have sitting in my desk and on my hard drive. They all looked at me intently and said, "What the hell are you going to do next year?"

And I just said calmly, "I don't know."

Actually, to be perfectly honest, I applied for a job that I really want. The pay is little, but the cause is great. I sort of stumbled upon it while looking for nonprofit jobs. And I don't see a better reason for a job than to write and help people out at the same time. The job was posted a while ago, so I might be too late. But one can hope....one can hope.
At the same time, I must set myself up for rejection. I have to picture myself at other jobs. I have to picture myself waitressing if it boils down to simply making money to get by.

Ultimately though, the greatest happiness in life comes from doing what you love to do.

For the past few weeks, all I could think about was my pessimistic and panicking view on the future. I kept thinking, "I'm never going to get a job, my life is miserable, everything for me will ultimately fail and I'll be the next Pam Beasley."

Then I went to a funeral this weekend to honor my Great Aunt. She wasn't married. She didn't have children. She didn't live a luxurious life. She worked as a secretary for most of it, but she loved doing what she did. And she made the most of every opportunity she had. She was never mean to anyone...and she had a light heart. It made me realize that I was being very selfish in my endeavors. I wanted only to please myself, but a better cause would be to help other people.

So I wrote that in my cover letter. I chose to be different. It might not work. The position might already be filled--and the post was just an old one online. Who knows.

All I can think, though, is that students too must choose to be different. They must take their ideas and run with them--the way that they think is right. The ideologies of this world and country are based on creative people. We cannot shy away in the corners and assume that we'll never make a difference. Don't take someone else's ideas because you're afraid yours aren't creative. Because they are. We can make a difference.

And I will.